We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
