Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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