I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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