you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Randomize
