I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
