I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
