Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
