I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
