Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
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