He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Randomize
