Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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