so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
someone owes me an orgasm
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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