I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
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