Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
