get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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