i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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