i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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