Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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