You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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