the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Boobs speak an international language.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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