Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Are we still banned from the library?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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