next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
