...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
