Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
