For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
