I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
