"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
