I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
where does the pee come out of this thing
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Randomize
