Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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