Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
