i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
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You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
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Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
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