Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I'm always down for nudity.
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