my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
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