If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
