I'm pants shitting drunk right now
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
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