I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
