kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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