he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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