there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
