so that wasnt chicken after all
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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