If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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