great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
