I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
