I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
