is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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