Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
