It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
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I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
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I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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