I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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