I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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