I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
