Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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