____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.