She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
The Most Iconic Met Gala Looks The Kardashian’s Have Rocked
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?