I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do