I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit