People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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