i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
