Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
