I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
