who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
