dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Randomize
