FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
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