If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Randomize
