Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
