Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I'm bleeding and have questions
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
