I'm so fucking centered right now
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
