His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
So much Jack, so little girl.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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