i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
