Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
