if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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