Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
