doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
