guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
