wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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